Authenticity and honesty are big values in my life, so I will start there today by coming clean! I have not written in a few weeks for a host of reasons, some of which I hope to explore in today’s post, but mainly because I just can’t find the words. I know, its shocking, but I have just not been able to verbally communicate during my current season.
It’s alarming to me, the girl who loves words, mystery, communication, and writing, to be unable to communicate. In the last few weeks I could have sat down at the computer and punched out a bunch of posts, some might have been interesting, encouraging, or even insightful, but they wouldn’t have been a true reflection of my soul. They wouldn’t have been written with my authentic voice. Strangely, right now, silence seems to be the truest reflection of my soul.
I am currently experiencing a season of deep development and with that some intense paradigm shifts in my thinking, relating, and communicating. “My former self”, as I affectionately call her, had a process of thinking and communicating. She enjoyed reflecting, meditating, analyzing, strategizing, and organizing thoughts into patterns of communication. Once she had fully processed thoughts, she clearly communicated a specific outcome that usually resulted in a direct plan of action, trail of thought, or strategy to execute. That reality lended itself well to this blog and it’s intent.
The current state of my soul is one of intense realignment, deep development, and establishment of new realities. God seems to be working to develop a more spacious and creative way of thinking, relating, and communicating in me. I am learning to be fully present in each moment and accepting what is right in front of me. Whether that be thought, person, imagination, deed, intent, action, or communication. I am learning to lean into the present moment with openness to receive, imagination to embrace, and love to share. This reality lends itself well to the new journey I am traveling.
Developing new skills often leaves us a bit undone. We are unsure of our new skills and not fully confident in exercising them. We make mistakes and stumble along the road of learning. Or even sometimes, we find ourselves silenced by the introduction of new skills. As we respond to development opportunities in our soul, the result is the slow process of spiritual transformation. The forming of our souls from what we once were to who we were created to be. It is te journey of this human existence.
Spiritual formation and transformation requires our willingness. We have to come to a place where we are willing to receive what God wants to give us, regardless of our fears, our past, our inecurities, or our pride. We have to come to a place where we want what He wants for us more than what we want for ourselves. We must find ourselves in a place of humble surrender to His purposes for our existence and not our own. It requires a willing “YES” that our souls whisper, sometimes through laughter and tears, to our Creator.
This is the journey I am currently traveling. The road has been interesting, frightening, eye opening, intense, hilarious, uncomfortable, and exciting all at the same time! My soul seems to be formming right before my eyes and it is having exponential effects in my soul, relationships, thinking, and communication. My family has definitely been on the amazing adventure with me. I recently received a text from my husband and want to share it, with his permission of course…
Him: I love you. I see God working in you so much. It is fun to watch. I am excited for you.
Me: Thanks sweetie! It’s fun to live!
So right now, as I come clean about my silence and absence from communication, it is because I am fully alive in a season of spiritual development and transformation. I am really just being open and present and enjoying the living!