Step One states: We admitted we were powerless over our problems and that our lives have become unmanageable.
The reality for most people in recovery, is that sometimes it is tragedy and calamity that finally bring us to our knees to see that our power to control was nothing more than a self-made delusion. I know that is true for me. I spent the better part of my youth under the delusion I was able to control my emotions, my behaviors, and the people around me. I was blind to the ways that unintentionally impacted the people I loved. I was on a rollercoaster that had no exit in my life and I didn’t even know it. A day came when the rug of my life was ripped out from under my feet. I found myself on my back, unable to get up, very aware of the fact that I could not fix this! There was no way I had the solution or power to handle the tragedy that landed on my doorstep. It reminds me of scripture that Paul wrote to the church in Corinth ::
“In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.”
Entering recovery is like entering a whole new world. There is so much to learn and absorb. So many new thoughts and insights that expand your thinking. I wanted to suggest a few of my recovery favorites, if you are interested in hearing from experts on the subject.
- A Hunger for Healing by Keith Miller
- Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz
- Changes that Heal by Henry Cloud
- 12 Steps: A Spiritual Journey by Friends in Recovery
- Love Is a Choice: Recovery for Codependent Relationtionships by Drs Robert Hemfelt, Frank Minirth Paul Meier
- Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Melody and Andrea Miller
One of the best ways to learn is to examine yourself in a new way. Use your notebook and finish these sentences honestly ::
- I compensate for my feelings of low self-esteem by
- I isolate from others by
- When I am around authority figures I usually
- The ways I seek approval from my family and friends include
- I respond to personal criticism by
- I try to rescue others by doing things like
- I deny, minimize, or repress my feeling by
- When I am not in control I fear
Take some time today to write and reflect on some of these questions ::
- What is keeping me from recognizing my powerless and unmanageabilty?
- What area of my life is causing me the most sadness?
- What do I try to escape from?
- How do I choose to escape?
- What do I feel trapped by?
- What behaviors am I excusing and defending?
- How am I manipulating situations and people?
Take my advice, friend, don’t wait for the rug to be pulled out from under you. Relying on yourself will eventually do one thing…bring you to the end of yourself.